Think twice before you mail a Valentine’s Day card. The flowery verse offers lovely poetry but has genuine meaning only when the sentiments are not a showy cover up for a desperate need to be loved.

Send that loving energy to yourself first! Then you are free to open your heart to let someone else in.

The concept that self love provides the foundation for loving others remains elusive for many caring and generous people who have trouble saying no and setting boundaries and honoring their own needs.

Self-caring is about being aware of your needs and satisfying them appropriately so you can open your heart to others. It’s axiomatic: if one is depleted, there is nothing to share.

Self caring does not mean becoming a narcissist, someone who is overly involved with themselves and lacking compassion for others. That is selfish, being concerned only with your own interests while ignoring the needs of others.

Putting yourself first is not acting selfishly when first and foremost the purpose is to care for your own fundamental needs. You must care for yourself at the start and feel positive about the person you are – compassionate, loyal, honorable – in order to sustain an intimate relationship without losing yourself in the swirl of emotion that characterizes the froth that the Valentine’s card calls “love.”

You have to believe you are worthy of love, recognizing it as the nourishment needed in order to have the energy required to sustain the relationships you cherish.

Love yourself, and you are empowered to love others. Now you are ready to send your Valentine’s card.